Most of These Stories are Somewhat True - Jeff Mackwood

The 2015 soft-cover book titled Most of These Stories are Somewhat True (Naughty and Nice), by Ottawa's Jeff Mackwood, is pure delight in 228 pages. Okay, some of it is a little annoying, but then I'm pretty sure that doesn't bother the author, who I only met after the book was published. It could be called an autobiography in 101 vignettes, which together draw the picture of a man who - though he claims to be secretly introverted - comes across as highly confident, mentally healthy, physically strong and tall, extremely smart, competent, articulate, funny, well-travelled, tough and athletic, a guy with a terrific family and an interesting, humorous way of interpreting his own unique experiences. But because of the title, the reader is frequently left asking: Is this true or is it a somewhat bold-faced lie?



The very first story, called "Opportunity from Tragedy," is an excellent example of this dilemma. It relates how Jeff, himself, on his own initiative - as a young public servant working for Atomic Energy of Canada when the Challenger space shuttle blew up 73 seconds after take-off in 1986 - got in touch with NASA soon after. He brokered a $3.3 million US deal that was instrumental in restarting the American shuttle program, and launching his incredibly successful career in the National Research Council aerospace program. Hmmm. True? Such official and lucrative serendipity couldn't happen for me or anyone on the low social rungs that I hang out with, but for Jeff, yes, it certainly, probably could happen. From reading almost the entire book, it is obvious he is just that kind of uber-capable person, which is partly what makes him annoying.
       But you quickly find him so cute and funny that you forget how maddeningly close to perfect he is. Close, but no cigar. Thankfully, Jeff has an endearing, rough-around-the-edges, hyper, impulsive, Type A, mistake-prone, slightly vindictive - even a bit reckless - personality, which was coddled and nurtured growing up in rural Ontario where, during winters, he could be found dangerously racing - on the oldest model ski-doos ever made - all over Renfrew County with a dozen like-minded friends.
       An engineer with a degree from Ottawa's Carleton University, Jeff was born and raised in Pembroke, Ontario, a small town 146 kilometres north west of Ottawa. Though his career involved the heights of technology and science, not to mention world-wide travel, his roots are decidedly, and touchingly, rustic and small town. I cannot find the particular story again, and forget what it is called, but I was impressed that he and his young pals in Pembroke - besides playing year-round hockey on Howe Street - used to enjoy trekking through the woods with their guns to shoot tin cans and wild animals.
       Jeff - who is a shockingly heavy social drinker with an expensive taste for scotch malt and fast vehicles - has a big mouth to match his fully developed "homo sapiens" (his term) sarcastic mind. His mind and mouth have gotten him into trouble more than a few times, for example, with the Catholic Church just before his beloved and religious father's funeral. He sexually harassed a female customs agent at the Ottawa Airport by asking - and I quote - "Then I guess the chances of you and me having unprotected sex tonight are pretty slim?" This latter "mistake" got him a full rectal exam, courtesy of Immigration Canada. Somehow, I completely believe this latter story, fittingly called "Snap of Rubber Gloves." Who could make that up? Then there's "Broken Noses," a self-deprecating story of how his nose got so big. Who would make that up?
       Jeff is the husband of a talented member of the biggest and best Masters swim team in Canada, a team I also happen to be on. His wife, my team mate, is a brilliant, dedicated nurse and a wonderful and kind person, so I immediately offered to host a book signing party in May 2015, about four months after Most of These Stories came out. The party was successful but small. Though all 320 members were invited - I have a huge back yard, comprised mainly of City of Ottawa hydro property - about a dozen close knit swimmers attended, food was eaten, soft drinks and beer were enjoyed, books were given away and sold, and Jeff tickled everyone's funny bone by reading aloud five or six humorous two-page stories. He also read a couple of the total five or so serious, sad pieces, which are well-written to incite tears.
       In "A Note About the Book's Title," I notice Jeff originally wanted to include "Dead Lawyers" in the title, in a way that portrayed dead lawyers as a humorous but positive thing. People who know me know I love a joke at the expense of just about anyone or any group, almost without exception, but not lawyers. I have made it part of my non-practicing legal career - including in an unsuccessful bid in the last bencher election - to try and help  reverse the undeserved bad reputation of lawyers in general. Which means I'm relieved that Jeff could not find a dead lawyers title to fit his great collection of stories.

As with most books on Lynne Like's, you can get this on Amazon.ca.